screw that.

I’ve just realized in a bitter sort of way that I hold back a tremendous amount of thought in my journaling. And not just e-journaling, as one might expect, with all the questions and ramblings about the almighty PRIVACY. I’ve had a sudden stroke of inspiration, and it said, “Who cares?”

Really.

I lead a mundane sort of existence, fuelled by all of the normal stuff, but there’s so much more I want to talk about…so much more to say. And I don’t.

Well, screw that. I don’t care anymore if my diary is boring or offensive or mean. It’s mine, and I’ll write what I like. I have no idea where this sudden burst of fierce energy is coming from…maybe it’s the wellbutrin. Maybe it’s the bottle of wine I’ve been working my way through all night.

Did I mention one is not supposed to drink while on Wellbutrin? Of course, the instructions also say one is not supposed to stop drinking (provided one is a heavy drinker), so I’m sticking with the latter.

I’m also eating leftover chicken with hoisin sauce, extra spicy. It’s delicious.

I think I’ll keep my crappy job until I find another. I’ve been debating for months now the quitting of my second shift, crappy ass job. I was supposed to be saving money all this time, so that I could live off my savings while I wrote a best selling novel and found a better (saner) job. I’ve neither saved nor wrote nor found a better job, so I’m stuck. Also, can you say $10 prescription copay?

This f’ed up nation of ours NEEDS a national healthcare plan. Who cares if we have to wait in line for hours like the Canadians or the French? I want free healthcare and I want it now. At least Wisconsin has Badgercare, so I know that if I got both knocked up and fired I could have free healthcare for myself and my child. We are the wealthiest nation in the world, the current superpower, and have been industrialized for a century – so why do we not have a national healthcare system? I need to get more involved in politics.

Except I think it would make me crazier than I already am.

Seriously, though, I have been thinking of doing some volunteer work for a local women’s shelter. Tomorrow I will call and see what I can do.

I feel so badly for women who cannot find or maintain stable relationships. B is such a huge part of my world that I can’t imagine life without him. And, no, I’m not one of those can’t-be-without-a-guy types. I had been single and happy (read: several friends with benefits) for two years before I found B. I love sex and have rarely gone without. But with B, it actually wasn’t about sex (although it has been from day one the best I’ve ever had). He is funny and charming and has this BIG BEAUTIFUL personality that makes everyone he meets fall in love with him. Of course we argue. Of course we don’t always agree. But that’s part of the fun, because we always make up within the day (usually within the hour!). To know that there are women out there enduring horrible terrible relationships for the sake of not being alone, or whatever, makes me so sad. I want to find them all and yell, “There are great men out there! If that doesn’t work, there are great women too! You don’t have to put up with this shit!!” Did you know that the average battered woman returns to her spouse 5 times before finally leaving? And those are only the ones who actually leave. Okay, now I really am going to call the women’s center. I wish I could call right now, but it’s midnight.

Anyway, back to the job dilemma. I’ve applied to several event coordinator type jobs, and have yet to hear back from a one of them. I think I’d love the work, and I think I’d be really good at it, but of course I have no experience. Blah. Oh hell. If George W. Bush can become President, I can find a better job.

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this, that and the other

*~*The old stuff*~*

My other other journal. - 2006-07-17
i think i need a snuggle now. - 2006-06-26
hold on, easy rider. - 2006-06-26
screw that. - 2006-06-26
back again - 2006-06-25